Undiagnosis
by Nathan Ponzar
-
Digital Album
Immediate download of 14-track album in your choice of MP3 320, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire.Buy Now $3 USD or more
-
Share
1. |
Last Dose
04:28
|
|||
|
| ||||
2. |
Left With the Leaves
03:58
|
|||
|
| ||||
3. |
High School Rock Bands
04:42
|
|||
|
| ||||
4. |
Benzo Brain
05:15
|
|||
|
| ||||
5. |
The Last Time
06:59
|
|||
|
| ||||
6. |
Rise and Fall
04:50
|
|||
|
| ||||
7. |
Road is Sweeter
04:31
|
|||
|
| ||||
8. |
The Paxil Scene
05:13
|
|||
|
| ||||
9. |
They Were Too Busy
04:27
|
|||
|
| ||||
10. |
A Quick Fix
07:15
|
|||
|
| ||||
11. |
Four Hour Smile
06:52
|
|||
|
| ||||
12. |
Idolize
05:06
|
|||
|
| ||||
13. |
They Were All Dreams
05:10
|
|||
|
| ||||
14. |
The Middle Line
07:51
|
|||
|
| ||||
about
Recorded 2008-2009.
credits
released 20 February 2009
Composition and lyrics: Nathan Ponzar.
Instrumentation and Vocals: Nathan Ponzar, with guest work by Christine Kick (female vocals, mandolin, piano, flute), Sean Kurth (djembe), and Drums of "High School Rock Bands" by Zach Poettker.
Recording Engineer: Nathan Ponzar, except "Left with the Leaves" and drums of "High School Rock Bands," credit Zach Poetkker.
Mixing: Nathan Ponzar and Christine Kick
Album artwork: Nathan Ponzar
Composition and lyrics: Nathan Ponzar.
Instrumentation and Vocals: Nathan Ponzar, with guest work by Christine Kick (female vocals, mandolin, piano, flute), Sean Kurth (djembe), and Drums of "High School Rock Bands" by Zach Poettker.
Recording Engineer: Nathan Ponzar, except "Left with the Leaves" and drums of "High School Rock Bands," credit Zach Poetkker.
Mixing: Nathan Ponzar and Christine Kick
Album artwork: Nathan Ponzar
tags
license
all rights reserved
feeds
feeds for discography
-
Feb 2009 -
Jan 2009
contact / help
For help with downloads, click here.
For all other inquiries, click here.
- Track Name: Last Dose
- It's been three days since they cut me in the hospital bed, and now I think it's time to stop taking these opiate pills, but not before they have their way and tear me apart. It's been ten hours since I swallowed my very last dose, and I don't think I've been this nauseous before. And now I'm dredgin' up all these mental photographs I took from the time before you were mine. Like the time I drove three-hundred miles down eastbound highway twenty-four to see a beauty that wouldn't be mine. And now I see you one more time, water pourin' from my eyes, just like old times. Now I'm dredgin' up all these mental photographs I took when dad lived at home, when I was only ten years old. But now I'm twenty and they're old, divorced, in two separate homes, with two kids who just need one, but now they've got none.
- Track Name: Left With the Leaves
- Watchin' people find love and take it for granted. Love don't seem like something those who need it receive. Aching to sleep so that I can skip out on life for a while. Tricycling through the night letting me travel though time. Cheerin' me up with a package of joy, but I don't think it's doing it's job. And it's killin' my love, but I guess I don't care, I never had any anyway. Looking for a reason, any reason at all. Searching for compassion down this crowded boulevard. Won't you give me some love? You seem to have spread it wide. Singing little jingles to give my soul a small dose of relief. It's always a carrot in front of my face hangin' from a stick attached to my back. Let me taste the sweet of the orange root. No, it's already eaten leaving me to chew on the leaves. Living out my wishes consciously dreaming at night. Living in perfect harmony with everyone. Trying helplessly to keep myself from waking up. But in retrospect I'm nothing but a lonely man lying in his bed.
- Track Name: High School Rock Bands
- Elementary school, everybody's cool, and we all fought for the same team. When high school came, people weren't the way you remembered. Now you have a rock band, and a few noble fans. And you wrote lots of songs, and they had lyrics too, but you didn't have a clue what they meant. But you played some hot shows where the energy flowed, and the sound was so poor you couldn't hear the words anyway. Taken by surprise for a walk through the scenes of your past. Tastin' the salt from your eyes, and it feels alright. When you searched for your meaning and you didn't seem to have one, you wrote down some words, maybe a poem, to fill the void. You took it to the rock band, but it didn't seem to fit, and the drummer has been locked away. So you stood in blue hills, and you stared at the stream, and on a cool March afternoon you waved goodbye to yourself. Now you sing simple tunes on a hollow guitar at the cafe down the street, or to yourself in your room.
- Track Name: Benzo Brain
- He throws that dark magic, but he ain't got nothin' on me. I've already been tried. I've seen you before, but you won't get me this time, or so I think. I will shed my shame with my benzo brain, and wipe a smile across my face. There's an angry war goin' through your door in a synapse at the top. And now you're talkin' on the phone, beggin' for that which you had tried so hard to avoid. Starin' down the mirror, sleep steerin' clear these eyes tonight. Who's that there, up on the wall? It can't be me that I see. Lookin' all around for something that'll stand it's ground against a jury that'll stand and question everything. Won't you hold me down, because I'm runnin' from the ground? And I'll get too far away and end up hatin' everything. I won't be sane today or 'til I find what satisfies. And once it's here, I'll beg for one more, and again and again and again. Surrounded by the sun, but it don't look all that bright. Now nothing is fine, unless these neurons dine. Now I'm on the ground, but I ain't gonna make a sound. If the sky is where it lies, then I have no business here. Suckin' on the floor, but I guess I shouldn't feel so down. After all, you can't lose something that you have never had.
- Track Name: The Last Time
- It wasn't so long ago that I met you, so vibrant in life. Sending out your happiness to everyone, and all those that surround. Even into me, sitting alone, high upon my solitary throne. Looking out ahead, through the tiny holes letting light into my den. And your sitting in the room of your empty house on the day after you enjoyed yourself. Drowning in the lonely pain that you find when you realize last night won't replay. Walkin' through deadbolt doors with major chords to believed white lies. Feelin' fine for a time, until you glance to the side and find there's no one there. I see your face again in front of me smilin' happily and bright. Sitting on the top of a waking thought with a feeling I thought I'd never feel. We sat, and thought, and talked, and intellectualized. And I got high on the lost sense of time these conversations bring. And I'm standin' in the door like a silly little man. Where did my euphoric smile have to go? Lookin' past a sea of people livin' out their lives. Up ahead it's her and she is wavin' bye for the last time.
- Track Name: Rise and Fall
- Cans of beer scattered 'cross the basement floor. Medicine to your head in the morn'. It keeps your demons at bay for a few hours, maybe more. I never knew that you could find heaven takin' pills, but when you come back down you'll surely find hell. But everyone knows that it takes a rise and a fall 'fore you can love the middle line. Empty hope came and picked you up out of your safe bed to run the risk of fallin' down on something hard, but for a chance at one true smile. You lived high for some time in a sane mind until you looked beneath your feet to find nothin' but air. Not even Christ could break your fall. Sure enough, you found the ground.
- Track Name: Road is Sweeter
- Set down in the background. Listened to your sweet song tonight. Fuelin' my hopes for this relation by mental fabric. Coming down, thinking of way to be to satisfaction. Enjoyed myself too much. Sweet has passed, sour is here now. Setting in sleeping room. Search for soul, if it's there at all. Dreaming of morning sun, lights the way to land of healing. Bitterness comes in near. Clouds the sky, though only for time. Sensing sweet from the end reaching near, though road is sweeter.
- Track Name: The Paxil Scene
- I've got a mended head and a knife in my flesh where it hurts the most. And with a few friends I'll have a few drinks to forget some things. With a fake little grin, I'll lie through the day, only to myself. But if it keeps things cool, sure I'll act a fool to laugh with the rest. Well here's your new face for the Paxil scene to turn blank. I had a meeting with you on a mid-August night. We talked about life. And I heard a few things pass out of your mouth I won't soon forget. So here I am once again with a pad and a pen writing things down that I honestly mean, in the deepest way, but I can't stay in key. A face to throw on the wall of your profit machine, to fuel all your dreams. Keeping them cool on a lie created by GlaxoSmithKlein.
- Track Name: They Were Too Busy
- I've got an ant's will to survive, and a death wish pullin' my brains apart. I've got a nice little pill, and it puts me on a hill. I've got a fake reality that a middle man put together for me. He's the pretty face for the companies that make the drugs you need. Let me drink that peaceful tear. Let me drink that peaceful tear, and take all of my ills away. I've got myself a plan, and I'm steerin' clear of everything fake, and so far all that I've found is a one-way ticket into the ground. There's a few people standing around me, and I figured that we could talk, but when I said hi, I got no reply. They were too busy talking on the phone. I can't put myself into your dreams. Mine are no good either, because they'll never be realized.
- Track Name: A Quick Fix
- Black sky singin' surreal to me tonight. M.D. tellin' me where I should lay my faith. Magic beans and dead dreams are pilin' to the sky. Give him pills, don't let on, you don't know what's goin' on. Small room gettin' big as people clear for the night. Stimulating my brain with false hope, and a joke I believe. Fantasy lands with rock bands and cheap cans tickle a happy gland. Suckin' blood from the sun 'til the final moon's rise. I don't really wanna be thinkin' straight today. All I wanna do is disconnect from you. And I'm walkin' along with my happy face on through a sea of people who've got big dreams. And they wanna see them redeemed in reality, and they don't care if it costs you yours. But they'll put 'em aside when it's Christmastime.
- Track Name: Four Hour Smile
- I'm walkin' along with my happy face on, but there ain't nothin' there for it to stand on. I've been eaten alive by the devil's will, and he won't stop till he's done. Why's it that I always feel like shit? Is it because of the way that my body's built? Surely the reason can't be that some zealous god has it out for me, because he don't like the way of my brain. You wanna go down to the county fair. You wanna be, you don't wanna care. But once you're there nobody sees the things you need, the things on which you feed. The rich men said that it's all in your head and sent you to a man who gave you Prozac. What an easy way for you to get paid at the door and keep your ass off the line. Well I ain't gonna listen to you, because you're lyin' through your teeth if you say that you know the way to the stars. Tell me it's a fucking joke, that you'll claim my brain, because I've got five out of your nine. Go for a drive down the countryside, the sun fallin' down, dumbin' down every frown. You've got a placid mind with something inside, and a four hour smile, but it feels a lot more like forever. But tonight it's okay to contrive. I just want to win, I want my head to spin. After all, it's better to wear an idiot's grin than a wise man's tear.
- Track Name: Idolize
- If I cannot see. If I cannot see tonight. If I cannot see. If I cannot see inside. Hey man that sounds nice, paradise for all of my eternity. Well I need something now, to tide me while I wait so patiently. I wait and wait and wait for something to come and sit on my plate. Well I'm gettin' tired, and growin' kinda old sittin' on the phone forever on hold. This is no place for me. This no place for me to be. I pray and pray and pray for salvation today now ain't that a shame? I'm hangin' up the phone to buy a pot of gold so I can make my own savior. And he may not quite be Christ, but he answered my prayer.
- Track Name: They Were All Dreams
- Set out on porch, waiting for the call on the telephone line, but it was not to come. Wait round for you come round to me, just like you did the other day. Oh wait, that was my dream. Setting in room, surrounded by they who sleep with a smile at their bedside, but I am not like them. Strapped in a chair, eyes forced wide to stare at the fear from my biggest nightmare materializing. Well I am the roadkill who's not quite dead, who you'll pity for with a distant love, but it's not worth stopping for. They were all dreams. These dreams of mine will not sing through refrain.
- Track Name: The Middle Line
- Buzzin' under the sun, television screen in my brain that displays midwest scenes from lucid dreams that I couldn't have. Spendin' time in the shine, believin' a lie that somethings about to arrive, but it's already came and it's already gone. And it's clear to me I've been deceived. Doc put his arm 'round me, told me that he knew how to cure. He touched a vein, and signed a page, and sent me on my way with an SSRI. Six to eight weeks and you'll be fine. Your lows will reach the middle line. In the meanwhile I'm just killin' time, waiting for the ultimate prize. The Lexapro, flushing your pain, leaving a stain.
